Saturday, February 04, 2006
And so it begins.....
Ok, look. I am not one to follow trends and all. I try to be out front and lead the pack. However, this blog thing has really taken off. And I won't be left behind!! I will not lie to you and tell you I will update it frequently. As a matter of fact, I just found this bookmarked in my browser, untouched for over a year. However, there are things I am doing that I think the whole world needs to know. Narcissism rules!
To start with, when I was like 20, I sang in a punk band. Well, I yelled alot in front of people with a band behind me. Well, after one particulary long weekend of yelling and drinking, I woke up Monday spitting blood and unable to speak. Every since, I have talked with an extremely gruff and hoarse voice. Advance about 20 years to last month and my doctor says, hey, why are you so hoarse all of the time? I smiled and thought back to my youth before my hopes, dreams and ambitions were destroyed and crushed like a beer can at a frat party and regaled him with the story. He put on a fake smile as I mentioned the name of the band(Fuzzy Pink Bunny Slippers). Then he told me he was making an appointment with an ear, nose and throat specialist. So this week, I went. The ENT doctors are husband and wife. He is like, maybe, 60. She might be 40. So they stick this tube camera thing down my nose. Oh, he stuffed novacained gauze up my nostrils first. It was a funny feeling having my nose and sinuses go numb for the whole day. Cleaned the snot out well, I must confess. Well, he takes like two pictures and says mo meed for mre and then showed me what he saw. There is this humungous thing on my vocal chord. He says oh, Dr Liz will love to see this and goes scurrying out of the room. So into another exam room I am drug. Now it's down the throat pictures. He held my tongue and then, no shit, asks if I am married. More pictures, only video now. Apparently this cyst/lession/growth/mass/thingy has been impeding my vocal chords from working properly and causing me to use my false vocals chords causing the rough voice. Listen to me talking like I have a clue as to what I am talking about...... Surgery is scheduled. I have never had surgery. I have been knocked out three times. Once in a boxing ring, once with a shovel and once with a baseball bat. Oh, one more thing. I got the pictures. I thought about submitting them with my passport application. I mean, how people have what Dr Liz described as "the biggest vocal chord cyst she had ever seen!" I think she got excited and not in the cheerleader way, if you know what I mean! I was going to upload it on here but can't figure it out. I think the pic is too big. It will show up eventually.
To start with, when I was like 20, I sang in a punk band. Well, I yelled alot in front of people with a band behind me. Well, after one particulary long weekend of yelling and drinking, I woke up Monday spitting blood and unable to speak. Every since, I have talked with an extremely gruff and hoarse voice. Advance about 20 years to last month and my doctor says, hey, why are you so hoarse all of the time? I smiled and thought back to my youth before my hopes, dreams and ambitions were destroyed and crushed like a beer can at a frat party and regaled him with the story. He put on a fake smile as I mentioned the name of the band(Fuzzy Pink Bunny Slippers). Then he told me he was making an appointment with an ear, nose and throat specialist. So this week, I went. The ENT doctors are husband and wife. He is like, maybe, 60. She might be 40. So they stick this tube camera thing down my nose. Oh, he stuffed novacained gauze up my nostrils first. It was a funny feeling having my nose and sinuses go numb for the whole day. Cleaned the snot out well, I must confess. Well, he takes like two pictures and says mo meed for mre and then showed me what he saw. There is this humungous thing on my vocal chord. He says oh, Dr Liz will love to see this and goes scurrying out of the room. So into another exam room I am drug. Now it's down the throat pictures. He held my tongue and then, no shit, asks if I am married. More pictures, only video now. Apparently this cyst/lession/growth/mass/thingy has been impeding my vocal chords from working properly and causing me to use my false vocals chords causing the rough voice. Listen to me talking like I have a clue as to what I am talking about...... Surgery is scheduled. I have never had surgery. I have been knocked out three times. Once in a boxing ring, once with a shovel and once with a baseball bat. Oh, one more thing. I got the pictures. I thought about submitting them with my passport application. I mean, how people have what Dr Liz described as "the biggest vocal chord cyst she had ever seen!" I think she got excited and not in the cheerleader way, if you know what I mean! I was going to upload it on here but can't figure it out. I think the pic is too big. It will show up eventually.
